Daily Archives: 06/03/2012

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I hate photographs

LinkedIN.  The place to network and begin my search for a new position.  I planned out my profile, made a list of contacts with whom to network and — realized I needed a picture.

Oh joy.  I hate being photographed.

I don’t photograph well.  I don’t know why.  I can stand in front of two hundred people and deliver an extemporaneous speech without any preparation, a speech that will amuse and educate the audience, and I have the trophies from college to prove how good I am at that art.  I have no trouble circulating at parties and striking up conversations with people I’ve never seen before (and who may not even have a language in common with me!).

But if you wave a camera at me, I freeze.  My face assumes this awful, rigid pseudo-smile that looks as if someone’s performing a root canal on me, without anesthetic, while simultaneously beating me with a bat.  My eyes take on that stereotypical deer-in-headlights looks, the one you see right before you plow over the deer with your car and send it to Bambi heaven.  I stiffen, I don’t breathe, I can’t relax.  I’m facing my own private firing squad and I can’t find it in me to be happy.

Why? No idea.  It does explain, though, why I so rarely visit my Facebook page.  Why post if you’re never going to show your actual face there?

Think I’m joking? You should see my passport photo and driver’s identification.  I look like a three-day old corpse in one, and a serial killer in the other. 

But my aversion to having my photo snapped will not be permitted to hold me back from my life.  The solution struck me as I was discussing college applications with a friend’s daughter. 

A professional photographer.  Get a formal portrait taken, one that can be used for LinkedIn.  I’ve booked a date, and meanwhile will put up the profile sans photo. 

And pray that I look like a sane, responsible person in the photo.  

 

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A week without cable wrap-up

I finished my week without cable, and it was both refreshing – and disorienting.

Refreshing because of the unbelievable amount of accomplishments, when there is no background noise as a distraction.  In seven days, I:

  • completely reorganized my computer;
  • sorted through an entire storage unit of boxes and papers;
  • reviewed all VHS tapes and DVDs;
  • transferred all my CDs onto my computer;
  • compiled new music playlists;
  • updated my podcast subscriptions AND found some interesting new programs; and
  • wrote five chapters on a book.

On the other hand, life without constant muttering of a TV program in the background was highly, disturbingly disorienting.  I never realized just how — quiet — my apartment building can be.  I knew, intellectually, that we had great soundproofing — the building is a cinderblock and brick construction, with firewalls everywhere.  My next-door neighbor held a 21st birthday party in his place with 30 guests and the entire Black Sabbath/Ozzy Osbourne playlist — and I never heard a thing!

But without the TV, it was — eerily quiet. No sound to break my concentration, which also meant that after Day 3, I was on the verge of hypervigilance.  A squeaky pipe was enough to make me jump.  By Day 5, I felt like I was in a slasher movie, waiting for Freddie or Jason or Michael to jump out at me!

Still, it was educational.  I learned that I spend a lot of time with the TV as background noise, tuned to a program I’ve seen multiple times and for which I have already memorized the dialogue.  I definitely can stop that, saving some money on the electric bill. 

But I don’t think, after all this, that I will outright drop the cable.  I would miss Anderson Cooper, BBC America’s international news, White Collar, Game of Thrones, not to mention David Duchovny and Californication.  If only there was a way to just get the channels I watch — rather than pay for this extravagent multi-tiered package packed with fluff I don’t enjoy.